Grayson:Mr. Secretary.Light:A message from the Director of Crop Control.
Grayson:The message will be received, but it must be brief as we have a lot of important business to transact tonight.
(While Grayson is speaking, Light walks to side of platform. He returns to center)
Light:Mr. President, before making my report as Director of Crop Control I wish to say this is an historic night in Virginia history. A former Rear Admiral of the United States Navy, born in Virginia, is our presiding officer. In a few minutes we shall initiate a former Governor, now a United States Senator, from that state. And this day, gentlemen, is the birthday of that great Virginian, General Robert E. Lee. Last year, Mr. President, the Club initiated its own crop reduction program under the Alpha-Alpha-Alpha. But as you know crop reduction in the Delta-Delta-Delta is damn difficult. In spite of every restrictive thing we could do we raised a crop of six new members. I shall call their names, or aliases, and ask them to proceed under their own power to the platform (indicating).
(As their names are called they proceed. Edgerton follows the last candidate to the platform when they are lined up)
Edgerton:Mr. President, these tender Alfalfa shoots have been carefully nurtured in the Club’s greenhouses and are now ready to be transplanted in the open field. I will now receive thieir responses to the Mystic Question and announce them to the Club. (Business of whispering to Senator Byrd, receiving whispered answer).
“Senator Harry F. Byrd responds: ‘Alfalfa is the most delectable delicacy known to man, except the Virginia Apple’”. (same business to each of the following)
“Admiral Hutchinson I. Cone responds: ‘Afloat or ashore, in peace or war, in sunshine squall, I rely more upon my knowledge of Alfalfa then upon my knowledge of the Nautical Almanac’”.
“Hon. Frederic A. Delano responds: ‘The central feature of every modern city plan is the Alfalfa plat’”.
“Hon. Reginald S. Huidekoper responds: ‘I wish I had a lawyer to advise me what to say’”.
“Hon. John Saul responds: ‘My father, a member of this Club for many years, taught me from earliest childhood to eat and drink only Alfalfa’”.
“Governor Albert C. Ritchie responds: ‘I have some regard for the Virginia Apple, but the only fit foods for man or beast are Alfalfa and Maryland Terrapin’”.
Grayson:Colonel Edgerton, are any of these men from Charlie Light’s state, West Virginia?
Edgerton:They are not, and they are all more than 30 years old.
Grayson:Very well. Gentleman, your answers are the most edifying and stimulating responses that have ever been made to the Mystic Question. I hope you will thrive and grow. Mr. Light and Colonel Edgerton will escort these tender shoots to their places in the Alfalfa field. (Exit all)