Program

Title

Program

Creator

Gridiron Club of Washington

Identifier

WWP20795

Date

1914 February 14

Description

The Gridiron Club program contains caricatures and poems of notable Washington figures, including Woodrow Wilson.

Source

Cary T. Grayson Papers, Woodrow Wilson Presidential Library, Staunton, Virginia

Language

English

Text

HEARTS OF ROMAINE, RUSSIAN DRESSING

[Caricature of Woodrow Wilson]

PRESIDENT WILSON.
Th’ applause of listening Senates to command
When Senates do not merely laud, but listen;
To have a certain party eat out of his hand
Are Woodrow’s triumphs, and are solely his’n.
Hail to the Chief, the Common People’s friend!
May health and fortune’s smile be ever thine;
May the whole nation’s praise thy steps attend,
And 1916 bring a Valentine!

[Caricature of Johann Von Bernstorff]

COUNT J. H. VON BERNSTORFF
The German Ambassador.
The Kaiser chops and chops all day,
The doctor said he should;
But his Ambassador, they say,
Just keeps on sawing wood
And making good.

[Caricature of Blair Lee]

SENATOR BLAIR LEE, OF MARYLAND.
Some men come in like a cannon-ball,
And some like lightning’s flame;
The snail’s pace is no pace at all,
But it gets there just the same.

[Caricature of John D. Rockefeller, Jr.]

JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER, JR., OF NEW YORK.
“Shall hateful tyrants, mischief breeding,
With hireling hosts, a ruffian band,
Affright and desolate the land,
While peace and liberty lie bleeding?
To arms, to arms, ye brave!”

Rip Van Vinkle—“I don’t know what it’s all
about, but here’s to your good health, and may
you live long and prosper.”

[Caricature of John W. Kern]

SENATOR JOHN W. KERN, OF INDIAN
A.Good friend, for mercy’s sake forbear
To raise a breeze with these whiskers near;
Blest be the gink that lets them float,
And curst be he that gets his goat.

[Caricature of J. Hampton Moore]

HON. J. HAMPTON MOORE, OF PENNSYLVANIA.
Hampy’s feet are on thy shore,
Delaware, my Delaware!
His voice is ever raised for more,
Delaware, my Delaware!
For thee he makes his mighty roar—
“Thirty feet to the channel’s core,
Wider, deeper than before,
Delaware, my Delaware!”

[Caricature of Charles S. Whitman]

CHAS. S. WHITMAN, OF NEW YORK.
Gie fools their silks and knaves their wine,
Their bottles, birds, and a’ that,
A well-done Murphy is very fine,
Just take my word for a’ that!
For a’ that, and a’ that,
Their talk of graft, and a’ that;
A well-peeled Murphy I’ll take for mine,
And eat him alive for a’ that!

[Caricature of George Harvey]

COL. GEORGE HARVEY.
George Harvey, here’s a health to you!
The members of the Gridiron crew
Salute you gaily;
There’s so much good that you can do,
The North American Review
Should be a daily.George Harvey, though you are no saint,
You do not pose for what you ain’t;
You’re on the level;
You do not wield a poison pen;
Go on, then; tell the truth to men
And shame the devil!

[Caricature of Albert S. Burleson]

POSTMASTER-GENERAL BURLESON, OF TEXAS.
Postmaster-General Burleson
Cried in stentorian tones,
“The only monopoly I indorse
Is the one the Government owns;
I want the keymen to call me Boss,
And the girls on a million phones!”

[Caricature of Joseph P. Tumulty]

JOSEPH P. TUMULTY,
Secretary to the President.“It irks me sore,” said Happy Joe,
“To turn a man down for a place;
Each letter means a vote, you know,
And 1916 comes apace;
I don’t believe in electioneering,
But I like letters that are cheering.”

[Caricature of Oscar W. Underwood]

HON. OSCAR W. UNDERWOOD, OF ALABAMA,
“Oscar, Oscar, tell me true,
Do you love the House as the House loves you?”
“I don’t like to say how my bosom leans,
But the Senate, they say, has fine ways and means.
I never got any kisses or smacks,
And I never sank any Merrimacs;
It’s easy enough to sink a boat,
The real job is to keep her afloat.”

[Caricature of William E. Borah]

SENATOR WILLIAM E. BORAH, OF IDAHO .
“If you seek a man of mark,
Look at Borah,” said wise Champ Clark;
“He rides ’em east, he rides ’em west,
He’ll choose the one that rides the best;
Maybe the elephant, maybe the moose,
But one thing’s sure—he’s got to choose!”

[Caricature of John K. Tener]

GOVERNOR TENER, OF PENNSYLVANIA .
Out of the frying-pan into the fire,
Tener to baseball fame doth aspire;
He thought it was hot in politics’ pan,
But wait till he hears from the outraged fan!

[Caricature of James H. Lewis]

SENATOR J. HAM. LEWIS, OF ILLINOIS.
Here’s a new Jim the Penman,
James Hamilton L.,
Whose epistolary yearnings
Neither fiend nor man can quell.
As a letter writer busy
He has old Junius skun,
Dictating from the dawn time
Until the day is done.
But his crabbed perseverance
Causes kindly folk to sob,
For every boasting letter
Costs some decent cuss a job.

[Caricature of James C. McReynolds]

ATTORNEY-GENERAL JAMES CLARK McREYNOLDS, OF TENNESSEE.
Jamie McReynolds is in a fine fret,
But Jamie McReynolds will get there yet;
Pigs is pigs and trusts is trusts,
Whether it squeals or whether it busts;
Jamie McReynolds is after ’em hard,
Jamie will make ’em give up their lard;
Jamie will can ’em from head to heel,
And utilize everything but the squeal.

[Caricature of John Skelton Williams]

JOHN SKELTON WILLIAMS, OF RICHMOND AND BALTIMORE.
There dwelt a Williams, hale and bold,
Inside the Treasuree.
He studied a puzzle from morn till night
Called the new Currencee;
And this the burden of his song
Forever used to be,
“I envy no one, no, not I!
And no one envies me!”

[Caricature of Cary T. Grayson]

DR. CARY GRAYSON, U. S. N.F. F. V. and U. S. N.,
Here you see a prince of men;
A Certain Distinguished Personage
Oft in golf doth him engage;
And the C. D. P.’s tut-tuts
Punctuate the foozled putts;
But they’re good friends, and agree,
C. D. P. and F. F. V.

[Caricature of George T. Oliver]

SENATOR GEORGE T. OLIVER, OF PENNSYLVANIA.
When Oliver gets to Pittsburgh
And bathes in its pure serene,
It’ll seem like brilliant sunshine
On a new red fire-machine.
After the fog in the Senate,
The turmoil and the smoke,
He’ll be glad to sniff old Pittsburgh
And breathe its heavy coke.

[Caricature of James Speyer]

JAMES SPEYER, OF NEW YORK.
Jim Speyer, on a summer’s day,
Raked in shekels and baled his hay;
Beneath his silk hat glowed a wealth
Of simple beauty and rustic health;
But his face was not his fortune’s own,
And he did not work for his health alone.

[Caricature of Charles H. Grasty]

CHARLES H. GRASTY, OF BALTIMORE.
With his scissors and his pot
He is now where he was not;
And the places where he’s been
Are displayed upon the screen;
Kansas City and St. Paul
Could not hold him, not at all;
Could he “come back,” as of yore?
Read the Sun, of Baltimore!

[Caricature of William E. Corey]

WILLIAM E. COREY, OF PITTSBURGH.
A thrilling and wonderful story—
He launched on life’s sea in a dory;
It’s a ship now of steel,
Of pure gold is its keel,
And the skipper is William E. Corey.Toast him and roast him, he won’t squeal!
William E. is made of steel.
Fill your glasses to the brim—
He made steel and steel made him.

[Caricature of Ollie James]

SENATOR OLLIE JAMES, OF KENTUCKY.
What he feeds on nobody knows,
But all you see is how he grows.
Japan its warlike spirit tames
When it looks on Ollie James,
And Mexico would count it folly
To tacke Uncle Sam and Ollie.

[Caricature of William Jennings Bryan]

SECRETARY WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN, OF NEBRASKA.
The Dove of Peace, we may remark,
Is an early bird and it left the Ark
Ahead of all the rest.
It does not fight, but it gets the worm,
And it rides high above the storm
And always finds its nest.Now and then it may lose a feather
In extra squally, warlike weather,
But it keeps on a tryin’;
The lightning and the gale it dares,
And it fears nothing, for it bears
An olive branch and Bryan.

[Caricature of John Wells Farley]

JOHN WELLS FARLEY,
Publisher of the Boston Herald.
This man leads a double life,
One of peace, and one of strife;
By day a lawyer, full of fight,
A peaceful publisher by night.
A football player in his youth,
He tackles error and roots for truth.
On his double life we shall not parley;
Forget he’s a lawyer, and drink to Farley!

[Caricature of Martin H. Glynn]

GOVERNOR GLYNN, OF NEW YORK.
Sulzer and Murphy had a great fall,
Sulzer and Murphy are turned to the wall;
And Governor Glynn,
He steps in,
And the People’s House is not Tammany Hall.

Files

http://resources.presidentwilson.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/D06373.pdf

Citation

Gridiron Club of Washington, “Program,” 1914 February 14, WWP20795, Cary T. Grayson Papers, Woodrow Wilson Presidential Library & Museum, Staunton, Virginia.